blink twice
by Saying Grace
Summary: "What am I going to do, Traci? It's one thing going on with your life, Knowing the man you love is dead and never coming back. But how can I move on not knowing if, when, where or how he will wake up?" Inspired by S5X01 title – BLINK.
1. Chapter 1

**So… Here's my new idea, just waiting here for you to start reading. Hope you'll enjoy it as much as you did****_ Over the Hill…_**

**Disclaimer**: No. I do not own Rookie Blue. But I do hope those who do, didn't have THIS in mind when they titled S5X01 _BLINK_.

* * *

Andy ran into the ICU waiting area.

It's been only five hours since she left, but Oliver sent her a text saying she needs to come back ASAP.

She had no idea what might have changed in Sam's condition since she left, and it scared her to death.

**DEATH**

The mere thought of this word was terrifying.

She fought it yet again to the back of her head, as she did every day for the last three weeks since Sam was shot.

The first two weeks were hard, but she was suspended for conduct unbecoming so she was at least able to be with him day and night. She sat next to him on that awful hospital chair, waiting for him to wake up. She went home to sleep and shower only when she knew someone else would be with him.

Now she was back on desk duty till further notice. Or more precise – until the white shirts decide what's Marlo's verdict, and Andy's, Sam's and Nick's in consequence.

She felt bad the day she went back to work and he was left alone in that room, she felt bad but had no choice. Her going to work meant he would be alone all day, until her shift is over.

Not that it had any impact on him.

He was still lying on the hospital bed, Breathalyzers and monitors surrounding him and beeping constantly – leaving little space in the room for the once big man.

Three weeks of liquefied diet left his muscles weak and his figure slender.

That was the point.

Heavy men are hard to be attended to. They can't be washed, they can't be moved, so they had to keep him on a diet, and he lost weight.

He was never fat - a smile crossed her face thinking about his waist size when her arms were around him, a thought that led to remembering hugging him whenever it was possible back _then_.

Andy sighed.

Since she went undercover with Nick, something changed and she came back to find him even more attractive than he was in the past, if possible. He jogged, he ate healthy food, and he looked good. Like _put-your-arms-around-me-and-never-let-me-go_ kind of good.

Maybe that was Marlo's doing, she didn't know. And maybe that's what he did to keep himself for her, when she comes back to him. There was no way of knowing now, not until he wakes up.

* * *

The doors to the ICU were in front of her when a hand pulled her aside, and guided her to the seating area.

"Not yet, McNally, we need to wait for Sarah. They won't let us in before" Oliver told her.

"Do you have any idea what this is about?"

"I can guess" his reply was vague. When he saw she had no idea, he decided to share his thoughts with her, to ease her shock when the doctor calls them in.

"Sam is there for three weeks now, Andy. He's alive because of the machines. That blood clot in his brain dissolved faster than they anticipated, but he never woke up. And if I'll be blunt, I think they need their machines back…"

He could never bring himself to actually saying what he thought to say here.

Losing two close friends in one year was too much for him. Add to that all the personal issues with Zoe and the kids, and you got a ticket to insanity. Thank god Celery was there at the end of each day to help him pick himself from the floor and move on.

Looking at Andy's face, he figured his unspoken words reached their target.

"You think they're gonna…?" she raised shocked doe eyes at him.

"Yeah, I think they gave up on him ever waking up." Oliver's words were hurting his own lips.

Andy went to the far corner of the room, and looked through the glass window to the world outside, her eyes filled with tears.

_'How could that be I still have tears after all this time?_' She wondered '_And how could that be they are willing to let go of him so easily? Well,' _she tried getting practical, '_there's no point in jumping into any assumptions before Sarah gets here'. _

Andy wiped the tears off her chin with a fast sweep of the back of her hand, and stayed motionless at her spot, staring out at the sun that was oblivious to her pain.

* * *

Half an hour later Sarah rushed in, too.

Andy raised her eyes and saw the pain she felt reflected in Sarah's face.

They never met before the day Sam got shot, and all Sam ever told her about Sarah was a short mentioning of her being attacked, and a smirk about meeting his family when he wants to cause Andy pain.

Meeting her for the first time was awkward, Andy thought. Meeting the family of your man is always nerve wrecking, but doing that when you're not his girlfriend and he's lying still on a hospital bed, was even more so. Even with all the emotional rollercoaster she was personally in, she sensed Sarah felt the same. Later on, Andy learned they both missed Sam's corky remarks and jokes to break the ice.

After three weeks of knowing her, Andy knew Sarah will do anything for her brother even when their relationship was not the story-book brotherhood. Respecting Sam's privacy, Andy never asked Sarah about their childhood, and Sarah didn't voluntarily supply any information either.

From her place at the far corner she took when she came in, Andy saw Sarah running in and being pulled back by Oliver, same way he pulled her 30 minutes ago.

"Hey Sarah, how was the drive? I hope you didn't leave any tire marks on the road driving so fast to get here in an hour." Oliver worried about his buddy's sister's driving.

"I was here earlier today and headed back home, so I wasn't too far when they called. Don't worry, I have every intension of staying alive long enough to kill my brother when he wakes up. He should have worn the vest that night." The Swarek in Sarah made a statement.

"That's good to know, Sarah, that's good to know." Oliver unsuccessfully tried hiding his laugh.

"Why are you not in there with him? Do you have any idea why they called us? "

Andy came closer, realizing Sarah didn't see her yet. She rounded Sarah to meet her face to face, and they pulled each other to a long embrace.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Oliver walked into Sam's ICU room holding a chair.

The doctor asked them all to sit before talking, and there were only two chairs in the room, so Oliver went outside while Andy and Sarah said their hellos to each other and to Sam.

When they were all seated, the doctor looked at them from the other side of Sam's bed, as if he was a teacher looking at his class before scalding them, using Sam's bed as a barrier.

Oliver being the big protecting brother he always was, started talking.

"What's up, doc?"

"Nothing much. I called you here today as you're all in Mr. Swarek's emergency contact list."

Andy knew that by calling Sam _'Mr. Swarek'_ the doctor actually alienated himself from his patient, meaning there is no good news coming today. The doctor cleared his throat before adding.

"You all know there is no progress in Mr. Swarek's condition over the past three weeks. The extent of the blood flow damage caused by the clot is relatively minor, and we should have seen some brain activity till now. We don't, so it is this hospital's recommendation that we will address to you the issue of donating his organs to other people. Mr. Swarek wa…"

Andy and Sarah looked at each other and Sarah snapped, cutting the doctor's words

"Stop calling him that! This is _Sam_ you're talking about! _Mr. Swarek_ is our father, not him!"

The doctor cleared his throat again, clearly he was uncomfortable with this conversation, and that was understandable.

"As I was saying, Sam here" he glanced a look at Sam's immobile body lying on the high hospital bed "Sam was in great shape prior to his injury. The shot wound didn't harm any crucial organs, and we can harvest all his organs to save other people lives – heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, retinas – it can all be used."

The doctor misinterpreted the expression on his listener's faces.

"His death could save the lives of about 7 other people, not to mention their families."

"He's not dead yet!" Andy called, nearly yelling at the doctor.

"Technically you're right, but his brain is mostly dead and what keeps his body alive are the machines, not his brain. It seems like he's not getting better, so we need to act now before his organs collapse and will be of no good for donation." The matter-of-factly tone the doctor used boiled Andy's temper, and Oliver stood before things will get out of control, he placed a gentle hand on Andy's shoulder, and addressed the doctor

"What do you say doc, that you leave us alone here for a while to discuss this?"

"Sure… sure… I'll be by the nurses' station, or ask them to page me when you reach your decision."

And with that the doctor left them in the room, pondering about the best answer to the dilemma he just threw at them.

* * *

Andy woke up to find Oliver looking at her intently.

"Where am I?" she looked at the white bare walls around her. When her eyes fell on the monitor next to her bed, she remembered "Oh" she said, weakly.

Oliver heard her speaking and rose from his chair.

"Hey there, McNally, you go us worried. I'll go call the doctor."

"Ollie… what about Sam?"

"Sarah and her parents decided to follow the hospital's recommendations. We now wait for his parents to come from Vancouver. It will take them awhile, because they can't fly."

Oliver saw the sad expression on Andy's face and came back from the door to hold her hand.

"Andy, you knew we were only his friends. His family made a decision we need to respect, and to say the truth – I think Sam would somehow know we tried everything before letting him go."

"I need to see him, Ollie. I need to be with him. Did you tell anyone?"

"Yeah, I've alerted Frank, so there's a stream of people coming in and out of his room to say their goodbyes."

Oliver saw the expression on Andy's face, and decided to let her be for the time being. He went out to look for the doctor.

* * *

"Ms. McNally?" a woman in a white lab coat showed her head through the room's door.

"Can I come in? Are you alone?"

"Yeah… come in…" Andy never met the woman before.

"Andy, my name is Dr. Jones, and I'm an Ob/Gyn doctor here at Memorial."

"Ob/Gyn?" Andy was puzzled.

"Yeah, you were brought here from the ER after you collapsed in one of the ICU rooms."

"I remember falling vaguely, but why am I here?" Andy was still plastered.

"You have no idea?"

"No. Why? What happened?"

Dr. Jones cleared her throat, and hoped her patient will react peacefully to what she was about to say.

"Well, when you fainted in that ICU room, you hit your abdomen against the bed, and then crumpled on the floor unconscious."

Dr. Jones raised her eyes – her patient still had no clue where she was going with this. She might as well just say it and get it over with.

"I'm sorry to say you've lost the baby."

"Baby?"

"You were about 7 weeks pregnant. Didn't you feel any physical changes?"

"Well… the love of my life was shot three weeks ago and he's still unconscious in ICU, and they're going to unplug him soon, and I was with him all the time, and I wasn't really paying attention to my body, to say the truth."

The kind doctor allowed Andy to ramble and get off her chest what was bothering her. She raised her hand and patted Andy's shoulder sympathetically "maybe it's for the best if the father is dead that you lost the baby, as well."

"Sam is not… he's not the baby's father. It's complicated." Andy started to cry.

Dr. Jones stayed close to Andy while she sobbed.

"Did you tell anyone?" Andy raised a tear filled eye at the doctor.

"No. It's your body and your call. That's why I waited for your friend to leave the room first."

"Thanks, doc, I appreciate it. Can I go back to ICU now? I want to be there when they turn the machines off."

"If you feel strong enough, I'll send someone with a wheelchair for you. Your body is too exhausted for you to be standing right now. I'll get your discharge letter ready, and please – try to rest as much as possible in the near future. Could you do that?"

Andy nodded her head slightly and the doctor left the room.

* * *

Some hours later Sam's room was swamped with people. The hospital didn't allow many people in the ICU, but this was not a usual case.

Andy looked around at all the familiar faces, noticing an older man and woman whom she figured were Sam's parents standing next to Sarah. She saw Oliver with Celery, Traci, Steve, Dov, Chris, Gail, Holly, Frank and Noelle. She didn't see Nick and it didn't surprise her. She was glad, knowing she cannot face him now, after her earlier crash. He will see her in the wheelchair and ask a million questions, and she cannot lie to him or tell him the truth.

She also didn't see Marlo. She looked at Oliver and asked about it.

"Did anyone tell Marlo? She might want to be here, too."

Oliver looked at his kind hearted co-worker, who was always looking for the wellbeing of others, even when putting her own body through extreme stress.

"Sarah wouldn't let her come. We called her, and Sarah heard she's coming and started yelling she doesn't want to see the woman who killed her brother."

Andy raised her eyes and looked at Sarah.

Sarah sensed Andy's gaze and looked back at her, a faint smile on her lips. Andy noticed Sarah's lips forming the words "it's gonna be fine".

* * *

When their time was up, everybody left the room.

Sarah took her parents outside. Clearly they were very upset and emotional.

Oliver gathered everyone else and led their way out. He glanced over his shoulders at the still Andy in her wheelchair "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, thanks, I want to be alone with him" tears were running down her cheeks.

The doctor looked at the now empty room, and guided Andy through what was about to happen.

"We'll turn the machines off one by one, and then pronounce time of death. We will give you two minutes to say good bye, and then we have to take all the machines away and hurry him to the OR to harvest all the organs. The recipients are being prepped as we speak. Ok?"

Andy nodded, and stood up. She reached her hand to Sam's, and laced their fingers together, knowing this will be the last time she will ever be able to do that.

The doctor and the nurse started moving around the room, and all the beeping and squeaking gradually came to a stop.

The doctor raised his watch and called "time of death 22:22."

If Kevin Ford was still alive, the charges against him will now be changed to killing an officer.

Andy closed her eyes, knowing the battle was lost. Sam promised her he will never leave without a fight, and yet he did.

When the nurse started pulling away the tube from Sam's throat, a weak beep came from the monitor.

Andy raised her eyes in shock.

"Probably just a muscle tw…" the doctor said, but didn't have the chance to finish his sentence as another beep came, and then another, and within seconds the monitor showed normal heart rhythm.

"What the…?"

* * *

**A/N: If you read ****_Over the Hill and beyond the horizon _****you know how I LOVE cliff hangers ;-) **

**Hope you liked this, and let me know… This is not the end of this story, don't worry.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, and welcome back!**

**Your reviews, alerts and favs for the first chapter surprised me, I didn't think so many of you will take it so… personally… **

**I know some of this story may sound a bit not logical, but I've done my research, and I even know some living proofs… THIS can happen.**

**Here's part 2, hope you enjoy it!**

**As always – your reviews and comments are much welcomed!**

**Disclaimer: **well… you know…

* * *

Silence.

That was the first thing he noticed.

Every day, the humming beehive of the barn was in his ears – radio noises, phones ringing, people chatting, and audio system pronouncing various notifications.

He remembered those few moments of quiet when they were out at the parking lot. Then back inside, the humming noise in his ears again, and then – silence, a name called out and a big BANG all of a sudden.

After that he remembers the sound of the ambulance sirens above his head, Andy talking and telling him a story, sticking to her habit of talking his ears out.

In the ER - another beehive of noises - various machines constantly beeping and clicking.

And now?

Now there was only silence.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

Just one big fat annoying silence.

There were many times throughout his life he wished to have some silence.

Like while driving his truck – his thoughts running in his head, or when trying to figure out something that bothered him on a crime scene.

But this silence was different.

It was bothering, it was smothering.

It was making him nervous. Very nervous.

Where's McNally when she's needed? Why did she stop talking? What happened to all the machines beeping and clicking?

Where is he?

_C'mon, Sam. You're a detective. So… Detect._

_OK. _

_So... It's quiet… _

_Too quiet. _

_So McNally is not here. _

_What else? _

_It's very dark, and I can't see a single thing. _

_Wow Sammy, you're finally making some progress!_ He thought to himself, pulling out his good-old self judgment.

_So now you know it's dark and quiet. But where exactly is "it"? _

_Where am I? _

_How did I get here?_

_Come on Sam….. _

_THINK!_

Suddenly a strong suffocating feeling seared through his veins. He felt his lungs scream for air, and inhaled as strong as he could. It was still not enough.

_Focus, Sammy, Focus._

_If at first you don't succeed – you try again and again._

He encouraged himself to breathe on.

Something was pulling him up, and helping him.

When the ache in his lungs subsided he felt a rush of heat flow in his body, the pulling still continues.

Something hot was pulling him. The sensation got stronger by the second, and he tried to understand what it was.

At first he tried to concentrate to see where the feeling comes from - maybe it will help him understand where he was, as it was so dark and quiet in there.

Concentrating his thoughts to that heat, he realized it was radiating from his hand, his left palm to be exact, as if someone just took the hand and placed it in the flames.

* * *

The strengthening sound of heart beat was no longer a question. Sam Swarek's heart was beating on its own again.

The sound from the monitor echoed in the room, and Andy got lost in her thoughts about it. She found it was relaxing like listening to the repeating sounds of 'waves of the ocean' discs.

A frightened gasp of air from the nurse made Andy and the doctor look at the direction the nurse's hand was pointing.

Sam's chest was now moving on its own - up and down, up and down. These were the slightest movements, but they left no room for speculations - Sam was breathing. Again.

The doctor rushed to the head of the bed and sharply uncliped the clipboard attached to it, frantically flipping through the pages.

"I don't get it... he didn't respond to pain, his reflexes were all gone, he wasn't breathing spontaneously, and even the EEG was almost flat with only minor filtrations we attributed to the machines around him. _I don't get it_. According to all the tests we had and to known literature of these cases, this patient was **dead**.

Andy smirked at the last comment, snapping out of the daze she was in.

"Well doc, clearly he's not. And if there's something I always knew about Sam, is that he NEVER goes by the book." She laughed, tunneling her feelings to the happy thought – Sam was alive.

The poor doctor raised his eyes to the nurse and said "Call the OR, transplants are cancelled as we have no donor."

* * *

Andy walked out of the room shaking, forgetting she had a wheelchair waiting for her inside.

Once outside the ICU doors, Traci showed at her side as if she was ambushing the doors waiting for her. She immediately pulled Andy into a suffocating hug.

Andy hugged her back without speaking.

After a minute or two she changed the angle of her head so Sarah and Sam's parents were now in her view, and she pulled herself apart from Traci.

She had to tell the Swareks what just happened, even if the doctor asked her to step out of the room to run some tests on Sam, not giving any answers to the million questions in her head.

She slowly crossed the room and stopped her walk a couple of feet from their bench.

Sarah stood up as she saw Andy coming "You will be fine, Andy. Some day another prince will come and you'll move on" Sarah saw Steve grabbing Traci's hand, and thought he was only trying to comfort her because her friend lost Sam. She didn't know how close to home her last statement hurt Traci.

Sarah reached to pull Andy to a hug, but Andy made a fast turn and Sarah missed her.

"Sarah" Andy started "something happened in there..."

Sam's mom cleared her tears with a Kleenex and looked at Andy.

"My son died tonight, that's what happened in there. God sent his angels and they took my baby away" she barely held her voice long enough to say this sentence without sobbing.

"That's not true" Andy's replied made everybody turn their heads at her.

"Andy, this is not the place for your personal beliefs" Frank sent his hand to Andy's shoulder, he saw the cross pedant on Sam's mother neck, and knew better than to argue about gods and angels at the moment.

Andy shook off his hand, and looked at Sam's mother.

"It's not true because he's not dead."

The astonished, dumfounded looks on everybody's faces said it all.

Sarah stepped towards Andy.

"This is no joke, Andy. I thought Sammy was right saying you are well grounded, but maybe you lost it in there, I don't know. It's a lot to take in."

Andy turned and looked for Traci's eyes, seeking encouragement. She knew it wasn't a creation of her own imagination, and needed the strength to convey this to the others, as well.

"I was there right now. They turned off all the machines, and then Sam's heart started beating, and he started breathing. All on his own, without the machines. The doctor is checking him now."

Sam's father stood up. He was a tall man with a stern face. He wore a tailored suit and expensive shoes. Andy didn't know what to expect of him, as Sam never mentioned him to her.

"You're telling me the doctor made a mistake telling us our son is brain dead?" he turned his head to Sarah "I thought you said he's in the best of hands in this hospital. I would have sent my own doctor here if I knew these were _shoemakers_ and not _doctors_ who treated Samuel" He scoffed.

Andy couldn't figure what was making him angrier – the fact the doctors made a mistake, or the fact that Sam was still alive.

Sarah placed her hand on her father's elbow.

"Not now, Judge. Not now. You need to relax. You know it's not good for your heart."

The judge looked at his daughter, his look intense and ready to attack, he was ready to launch whatever bothered him, and it didn't matter who was around to suffer the explosion.

"We came here all the way from Vancouver thinking the son we didn't see for more than ten years is about to die, then we say our goodbyes and some _babmi_ comes out of the room saying he's not dead. Can you tell me how can I relax?" He looked at his wife's devastated face and stopped.

He then walked back to his seat and pulled a business briefcase from underneath, opened it and brought a laptop to his hands. He set down and started typing fast.

"This hospital will be sued off its dirty floor tiles, that's what gonna happen" he hissed "and THEN I'll relax."

Everybody looked around at each other, not knowing how to respond. They now knew who gave Sam his snappy side, though he never spoke of the man with any of them.

Sarah looked at her mother and tried to think of some reassuring words to say, but nothing came to mind.

* * *

The only thought Andy had in her mind is how the only two people who saw her as 'bambi' from first impression were Swareks, and how they both made this a scorning remark.

She couldn't think of anything else.

Everything was too painful. She hang to the memory of her first meeting with Sam and the first time he referred to her as 'bambi', back in the locker room. That was the first time she saw him half naked, and THAT thought was the happy one she clang to.

She went to the corner of the room and set on the furthest seat possible from the group of people.

* * *

Ten minutes passed in relative quiet. Traci came to sit by her side and patted her thigh.

Andy lifted her eyes to the sound of shoes crossing the room and standing near the Swareks, there were three men in white coats, a woman and a man in a suit.

Andy recognized one of the men as Sam's doctor.

"Judge Swarek" the suited man called and the judge closed his laptop and placed it on a seat next to his.

"Professor Git" the judge nodded his hello.

"Good to see you back in Toronto, though under such circumstances."

"Don't worry, you'll see me much more when we meet in court. Don't think I'm not going to sue your hospital for such negligence."

"About that..." professor Git cleared his throat and looked directly at the judge's eyes" I don't think you have cause to sue."

"I have a 35 year old LIVING cause lying in that room." He scoffed and tilted his head to the ICU doors.

"No negligence was done. We performed all required tests. All results were consistent and conclusive - Sam was brain dead an hour ago."

"And now?" The devastated Mrs. Swarek looked at him.

"And now... we don't know."

"You don't know?" Sarah exclaimed.

"As much as I hate to admit it, there is only little known to medicine about how the human body and mind interact. Sam didn't suffer from any brain damage, and yet showed the signs of brain death. We now think maybe it's some sort of deep vegetative state, but only time can tell."

"How is he now?" Mrs. Swarek asked

"He's breathing on his own, and his heart rhythm is normal, he keeps his body temperature and blood flow to the extremities is good. We took some blood tests to learn some more. But as it looks right now - he's asleep, in some very deep sleep."

"I'm still going to sue your hospital, Git"

"For what? Your son is alive. You should celebrate that. If we didn't turn the machines off tonight, he could have stayed on them forever."

With that the group turned around united, and walked back to the ICU.

The waiting room was silent for a while, everybody deep in thoughts, letting recent news sink in.

"He's undercover, you know?" Oliver's remarked made all the faces look at him, and he elaborated.

"I've known Sammy for 15 years now, and I know whenever there was something he didn't want to deal with, he went undercover."

"And you think he's doing it now?" Sam's mother asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I think he does." Oliver scratched his bold head lightly "I mean... it's Sam in there... he's the best undercover guy I know. Any task he had to do – he blended in perfectly. If he didn't want you to see him – he'll disappear from the face of the earth."

"But what is it that makes him want to run from life itself?" The question hang in the room for some times after Sam's worried mother asked, until a low voice came from afar.

"It's not _what_, it's _who_ he is running away from" Andy raised her face from looking at the floor, her head still held by the hands she placed on her knees.

"I got to go see him" she rose and ran back to Sam's room.

* * *

Sam's thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour. He still had no idea where he was, and it was making him nervous.

He had to know.

He had to be in control of this.

The hot sensation on his hand disappeared, and he felt many smaller tinglings all over his body. It was like the ants crawling on you when your hand was numb and you started moving it again.

_There was something in that heat. I know there was. It's like I know it from somewhere._

_I know it's this feeling that made me want to breathe again, but I don't know what it was._

He tried moving his hands to shake the tinglings off, but his hands did not obey.

He tried opening his eyes, but everything was so dark he realized his eyes are most likely still shut.

And there was the silence, the searing silence as thick as a wall surrounding his ears.

_C'mon Sam, there must be some explanation for this._

At that point he felt the heat running through his veins again. And just like before – it originated from the palm of his hand.

_Think, Sam. THINK!_

Andy was looking down at Sam's hand locked in both of hers. She felt the electricity radiating from that touch.

She missed it, this feeling.

_Think what this reminds you of..._

During the last three weeks she rarely touched him. She waited for him to wake up and tell her he wants her. She always knew how she felt. She had a feeling about what his feelings were too, but she needed him to tell her.

Nick… well… Nick was just there. He wasn't Sam. He was the first choice once Sam made it clear he doesn't want her. But now? Now she lost Nick's baby, and Sam stayed for her. She was sure of that. This was the world's way of showing her the right way.

_If I didn't know better, I'd say it reminds me of Andy. My McNally. That's what this reminds me of. This is the way her touch used to make me feel a year ago, before I did the most stupid thing possible._

_Maybe this is her._

_ Maybe she is here, too, in this weird place. _

_Or maybe she came to take me home._

* * *

**A/N: hope I managed to finish this one without another cliffy …**

**I was trying something new in the last part, let me know what you think of it? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys, **

**Here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: **again… you know…

* * *

The phone rang twice before being answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. I hope I'm not interrupting"

"No…"

She could tell there was a lie in there. She could hear the sobs hidden in this one syllable word.

"Well, wanted to tell you he's not dead. They shut the machines off and he started breathing and everything's fine. I mean, he's asleep and they don't know when he'll wake up, but he's not dead."

"Oh"

She didn't expect a happy yelp or a hearty 'thank you for calling' or anything, but this response was far less than what she thought would happen.

"Do you want to come see him tomorrow?" she asked hopefully, biting her lower lip.

"They don't want me there. You don't want me there."

"Look, Marlo, I'm not trying to be your best friend here, but I think you need to do this. You need to see him - for yourself and for him. He needs all possible stimulations that could wake him up next to him now. He needs you, he needs me, and he needs his parents and other friends. Just come, will you? His sister said she'll take their parents home to sleep, so he'll be alone by 11, I have to go to work tomorrow night. Will you come?"

"Why would he need me? He's got you. He always did." Marlo's insecure tone didn't escape Andy's attentive ear. Marlo needed to see him to stop her from the devastated results her depression might lead to, and Andy knew it.

"You're his girlfriend, Marlo. That didn't change during the last three weeks. Want to tell me what happened? You were here three days ago, and everything seemed to be fine. Are you still taking your meds?"

"I might be his girlfriend, Andy, but you're his girl. And to Sam it means much more. I was just the in-between distraction. And yes, I'm taking the meds, not that I see any point in doing that, but you're right - I need a closure on this part of my life. I'll be there at 11 till someone else shows up. Thanks for calling and letting me know. You're a true friend."

Andy could sense the faint smile on Marlo's lips and knew it's fine to hang up now, Marlo will not harm herself tonight, not with the expectation of seeing Sam the next day.

"Well, good night Marlo"

"To you too"

* * *

He woke up again.

Not that it made any difference – he was still locked up in this dark and silent forsaken place, and nothing changed that over the last few hours, or was it days? He had no idea how long it has been.

He couldn't open his eyes even when he thought he commanded his brain to do so.

The warm sensation in his hand faded away when he fell asleep, and was now replaced by something on his forehead.

His mom.

When he was just a little kid she used to come in the night and brush her hand through his thick hair, back and forth and in circles. This made him feel secure in the days his father was too much to bear with.

Like in his childhood – this was still relaxing.

He found himself drifted to slumber land again.

* * *

Andy and Traci were standing in the barn's kitchen, microwave heating their food. Andy didn't have a decent meal in more than three weeks, and Traci brought her something to eat from home.

"What am I going to do, Traci? It's one thing going on with your life, Knowing the man you love is dead and never coming back. And I'm really happy that you now got Steve and you're finally moving on, but how can I move on not knowing if, when, where or how he will wake up? And even if he wakes up and everything is fine, what if he'll still choose Marlo?"

It's been two days since the night they took the machines away, and Sam was still sleeping. He didn't move, he didn't snore. He was just there, like sleeping beauty, waiting for his 100 years of slumber to end.

"You go there after shift?"

"Yeah, I mean… I have nowhere else to go and…"

Traci raised her brows at this remark. Andy just bought a condo a year ago and now she said she has nowhere to go?

"Andy, we need to talk. But it will not be here. Can I come with you after shift to meet my partner?"

Andy nodded her agreement.

* * *

Next time he woke up he knew there was someone else in there with him. This wasn't Andy, this wasn't his mom.

Who was it?

_Focus, Sam. _

_Oooch, I hate this state! Why can't life be normal for a change?_

_Everything was knocked out of orb when McNally chased me down that alley. Most of the time I think it was knocked to a better track, but sometimes I'm not so sure._

_Why can't I just take off and go be with my parents for a while, think things through? I haven't seen them for some time now. That feeling on my head was only a creation of my imagination, it can't be that mom is here. She will never leave pops alone, not the way things are lately, and he can't fly so… besides, it's just like I imagined McNally being here. I should get on a plane and go to see them, get my head straight before going back to work. Oh, right, I can't fly, either._

_I feel like shouting. I feel like scratching my forehead for answers, like feeling the bridge of my nose to place my thoughts in order. But I can't do that. Something is preventing me from moving. What is it? _

_ I need to tell whoever this is who kidnapped me into this sedated place that someone will notice an undercover cop going off the wire. Someone will come for me, hopefully McNally but I'm not peaky right now._

The idea of him being kept sedated was something new, and he tried exploring it.

_So, who is it? Brennan? Hill? _He started listing all his UC gigs in his head, and taking off names of people who were either dead or in jail.

His list was narrowed to no one.

_Am I even sure I'm undercover right now? What happened after Ford shot me?_

It freaked him out to feel all those things on his skin, without being able to react to any of them. This time it was something soft holding his hand, but it definitely wasn't McNally.

_Well… THIS is a different feeling. It's funny how this being the only sense I can use makes my skin so alerted as to get the feeling of what's going on, as if it's trying to tell me who it is my skin can see._

_And this feeling is not the electrifying one McNally gives me, and it's not the reassuring one my mom gave me. This is a feeling of protectiveness. As if someone out there needs me to protect them._

_Think Sam, who will raise your need to protect others? _

_Well, this is easy – everyone, almost. There are the usuals like Andy, Ollie, used to be Jerry, and the other officers, but this is not McNally. It could also be any person in need I came across throughout my years on the force._

_And there's something so... familiar... with this touch._

_I must see who it is to steer such a feeling in me. I MUST._

He concentrated his thoughts to the two muscles moving his eyelids. Heavy flickering movements were slowly opening his eyes, and he tried to focus them on the black mass crunched on his hand. The room was relatively dark, making it easy for his eyes to adjust.

Not being able to move his head, he stared at the black mass for a while, figuring out who this was.

It _looked_ like McNally, but it didn't _feel_ like her. He was confused.

_And this is whom my body tells me to protect?_

He was waiting for a movement.

When it happened, it wasn't what he expected. Not WHO he expected.

The black mass moved, leaving a silky tingling of hair on his skin. Dark eyes observed his now open eyes, and then – within seconds – Marlo was out of the room.

Defeated by the effort to open his eyes for such a long time and by not seeing Andy, he fell asleep.

* * *

Andy was driving the squad car when her phone rang. She snapped it out of her pants' side pocket and glimpsed at the caller name before answering. At the same time the radio came to life when dispatch called them to check a silent alarm in a nearby house. Nick answered and turned the lights on before she answered the phone. She dropped it back in her pocket and told herself she'll call right back. It was not even 11, so Marlo was probably trying to say she's not coming tonight. Too bad, but she needs to concentrate on work now.

Work, and the fellow officer sitting with her in the squad car.

She tried, pretty much succeeded, to avoid him during the last days. The morning after that long night she called in sick, Oliver told Frank about her fainting in Sam's ICU room because she was exhausted, and Frank gave her the day off. She told no one the real reason for her fainting, and planned to keep it that way.

The next day she was paired with Chris, and tonight – with Nick. He tried to make some light conversation, but stopped when he noticed her lack of cooperation.

Twenty minutes later, their squad parked at the sally port, Andy and Nick got their two new arrests into booking, and Andy walked aside to call Marlo.

What Marlo told her startled her, and Nick saw the shocked expression on her face.

"Nick, I got to go to Sam right now. Marlo says he opened his eyes and looked at her. I need to go!" she was half way through the gate when Nick grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Where you think you're going like this, Andy?"

"I need to go see him, Nick. Right now. It can't wait till after shift."

He noticed the determination in her voice and walked back to their squad "give me the keys, I'm driving."

When they were seated in the car and back on the road, Nick pulled his radio off its hook "dispatch, this is 15-20, on our way to investigate a possible witness to the B&E earlier, mark us as not available"

"15-20 this is dispatch, you may proceed."

Andy glanced her eyes sideways at Nick "thanks for that" she whispered.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes again, and saw two blue bodies in his room, both standing and talking in the corner by the door. It wasn't too hard to figure out he was in a hospital room, and who the slim female with dark ponytail, and the fit blonde cop next to her were.

_Collins. Eeyaiks why'd she had to bring HIM along? _

"Nick, look" Andy slapped Nick's arm and pointed to Sam.

"Hey there, Sammy" she said to the patient on the bed, and got closer to him.

_She's getting closer. Yay! Now let's see if she can read my mind and touch my hand_.

Andy places her hand on top of his.

_1-0 McNally. See, I knew you know me better than anyone else._

_Oh. The electrical vibes her touch send through my veins – I was right. It was her. It was my McNally. I feel like pouting my tongue at Nick, too bad I can't move a muscle. _

"How are you, Sam? Are you in any pain? You got us worried there for a while"

_Now she's closer I can see she's talking but I can't hear her. Can you please turn the volume higher, brain?_

Andy looked back at Nick, frustrated. "I don't think he can hear me. Wait, I've got an idea"

She pulled her notebook from the side pocket, and quickly wrote something on it.

_She understood me! 2-0 McNally! She got it that I can't hear her and now she's writing something. Too bad she's a leftie – I can't see what she's writing there._

Andy turned her notebook to Sam, moving it closer to his face.

'Hey Sam' he reads

_Blink – hey there to you too_

'Can you hear me?'

_Blink – no._

"How could he answer that, Andy? He's just blinking there."

"Already have a plan, nick. Don't worry." She flipped a page and scribbled something fast. Placing it close to Sam's face she waited for he's reaction.

'Blink once 4 no, twice 4 yes. got it?'

_She's playing games with me, but she got a point there._

Andy concentrated on Sam's response, staring at his eyes contently.

_Blink_

"C'mon Sam, blink again…" she muttered

_Why won't we play a little game, see if she can REALLY read my mind._

He stares back at her, with the look he used to flash his dimples with. He was sure his dimples were non-respondent tonight, but he still had the look...

Andy looked at him and smiled. She got it.

_Great! Now I can answer her question. _

_Blink once, blink twice. _

His heart was making a little dance inside – Andy was here, and she knew he was playing with her.

_This is MY McNally._

* * *

45 minutes later Andy sent Nick to the store downstairs to buy an erasable board and matching markers, hoping they'll have some small ones for the kids.

She used his absence to recharge herself by holding Sam's hand. She got the sense this was recharging him, too.

Traci walked in to the room. Sam recognized her from afar, and closed his eyes. He wanted this to be saved for Andy first, he didn't want the entire world probing and checking him yet. He also didn't want anyone to interfere with his re-charging process with McNally's hand.

"Hey, Andy. I thought you'll wait for me at the barn. Why are you still in uniforms?"

Andy looked at her watch "It's stupid, actually. Marlo was here earlier and she called to say he opened his eyes, so I made Nick drive me here right away, not realizing it's the end of shift."

"Hey there, slow down… Marlo was here?"

"Yeah, I called her last night. She's still his girlfriend, Traci. No matter how I feel about it he's still with her. She's the one he goes home to."

Traci didn't respond to that, it was clear to everyone around them that they both still loved each other while acting as if they don't.

"And he opened his eyes?"

"Yups" Traci didn't hear that big pop-of-P for a long time already. Andy was happy, and it made Traci happy.

"And… You're killing me here, Andy."

"And… I asked him some yes or no questions and he answered them."

"Why yes or no? If he's awake just talk to him."

"He can only blink, and he can't hear. I need to call the doctor in, but I just want to be selfish and savour the moment."

"So how did you ask Sam those questions?"

"Notebook. I sent Nick downstairs to buy one of those erasable boards"

"So Nick is here with you? And you are fine with this whole old-guy-new-guy thing? Is HE good with that?"

"Traci… it's complicated. Nick was a good friend before he became something more than that. And he was more than that only because Sam wasn't there. And now – Sam's here and I think I kinda want him to stay here. Am I making any sense? I mean, I call Marlo in because she's his girlfriend and I accept that, and on the other hand I want to keep Nick as a friend and nothing more because of Sam… Arrrggggg! Why did love had to be so complicated!?"

Andy didn't see Nick standing at the door during her speech. Neither did Traci.

Nick turned around, knowing he cannot hide from this. He also knew this was coming since that night in the ER some weeks ago, maybe even before that.

He turned around again and faced Andy and Traci. By the look on his face Andy knew he heard her. That's the thing when you're somebody's UC partner – you get to learn all their expressions and minor facial details.

Nick handed her the bag without saying a word.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes when he thought it was safe, that no one was in the room. He was wrong. There were three people in his room. He tried to focus on their faces, when he felt Andy's hand over his. She then raised it to something flat in her hands and wrote on it.

'Need your glasses?'

_Blink, blink._

Andy laughed, erased her question and wrote another one

'Same password in your house?'

_Blink_

Nick pulled Andy back

"Andy we need to go back, next shift needs the squad. We can't stay here. I'll drop you off when we change back, okay?"

_She's nodding to Nick, his hand is on her back. She's with him! God! Why can't this be easier? I want her, but she's still with him. I told her that night I want her to be happy, and that's what she's doing. So… it's time for self pity and wallow._

"Traci, can you do this? It's gonna take some time but we need the password to Sam's place, to bring him his glasses. He's usually with the contacts and I guess the ER threw those away."

"How will I do that?"

"I don't know" Andy raised her hands in the air "write all the Alpha-bet on a board and go one by one until you have a password. Sorry, but we must go."

Sam saw Traci shrugging her shoulders and Nick guiding Andy outside. She didn't even look at his direction.

* * *

Half an hour later Sam was sleeping and Traci was looking at the white board with the letters on it. It took her some time to make Sam give her the password, and the process of lettering it out was exhausting, but they finally made it.

Andy thought Sam was going home with Marlo. Could be, but according to his password he never crossed the threshold without Andy on his mind.

* * *

**Don't forget to review… thanx!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I've noticed some of you are frustrated by Sam and Andy's misunderstandings. My opinion is that they were too drifted apart during season 4 that it'll take them some time to get back on the saddle and ride into the sunset together.**

**Your reviews and comments are much welcome! they make me feel this process is worthy to someone out there…**

**Disclaimer:** the usual, you know.

* * *

"Ready?" Andy walked fast in to Sam's ICU room. She stopped when she spotted Sam's doctor, and not Traci, in there.

The doctor raised his eyes from the chart he was holding.

"Officer McNally, good to see you. How are you feeling this fine night?"

Somehow Andy got the irritating feeling he knows precisely what happened to her the other night, but she doesn't care. She knows the doctor is decent enough to not disclose any private information to someone else.

She stepped closer and for the first time noticed the doc's name tag – Dr. Jones.

"You've been pillow-talking, Dr. Jones?" she smirked.

The young doctor blushed.

"Well, you know… we hoped it's Sam's kid, but then you told my wife it wasn't so… sorry. We need to air our thoughts somehow." He shyly smiled.

"It's fine, doc, as long as you keep it to yourselves. I know exactly what you mean about airing your thoughts with a co-worker." Andy reassured him and raised her eyes to Sam "how is he?"

"All markers are great, and tests show us that he's basically sleeping, as we thought. As he is not in any immediate danger I want to take him out of ICU tomorrow to the neurological ward, hoping he'll fully recover soon."

He didn't say the rest of what he thought - 'so you two could be together'.

"How can he be asleep if he's looking at me and answering my questions?"

"Don't know. Kind of like parasomnia, I think, like sleep walking. There is too little known about these situations. Basically, he's one in a million this guy, to wake up like he did when we turn the machines off." He patted Sam's leg in friendly manner. Somehow he got to care about this patient more than usual.

At that point Traci walked in to the room, holding a cup of coffee in each hand. She handed one to Andy and asked "we're going? I have what you wanted, and I need to get some sleep before Leo wakes me up in a couple of hours."

* * *

Sam opened his eyes when Dr. Jones was done and left the room. He thought about all that had happened tonight – waking up to find Marlo at his side, her running away so abruptly, Andy coming in with Nick and then Traci's excruciating process of getting the password to the alarm in his house.

He didn't really need his glasses. He usually didn't even wear his contacts, but it was a good way to get her into his house, to make her see.

A couple of months before the tornado came and flipped his life upside down, his yearly physical revealed he needs glasses. Low number, he barely noticed the change. Andy found the letter in his pants when she did the laundry. He didn't try to hide it. Not from her. Next day she took him to the store and he bought glasses for home and contacts for work. While they were still together he wore the contacts every day, though the process of standing in front of a mirror and sticking a piece of plastic to his eyes was way too much self-pampering to his idea. When Andy disappeared that night, the contacts went with her, and the glasses were probably somewhere in his kitchen drawer.

He wanted her to be there, in his house.

Somehow it seemed like the best place for her to be, even if he was stuck here in his body shell.

So he acted as if he doesn't want to give Traci the password. And then he gave it to her.

The real password.

Not the plain numerical version he gave Marlo the only time she was in his house alone, when he forgot his cell phone on the kitchen counter and she stopped by during shift to bring it to the barn.

He wanted her to know the real password.

He wanted her to know that Marlo was in his house only a handful of times.

Always with him.

Never in the bedroom.

Never overnight.

At first he told himself all the logical excuses - her place was bigger, brighter, nicer, closer to work and to the penny.

But after that talk he had with Oliver at the cabin, he finally admitted the truth to himself - he didn't want to see Marlo in the place that screamed McNally to him every day.

As if Marlo's presence will contaminate the walls or something. He just didn't want her there.

And tonight he wanted Andy to be there. To know the real password. To see the way the house is.

To know that he is still waiting for her, even if he moved on.

* * *

Down at Sam's house, Traci reached for the piece of paper in her pocket while Andy unlocked the door with the key she brought from Sam's hospital locker. Sarah made sure all his stuff was kept there, except for his ruined clothes.

"So, what's the password?"

Traci flattened the paper in her hands, and started calling the symbols one by one the same way they practiced the phonetic letters back in the academy, waiting for the moment Andy realizes what she's typing.

" Fife, Niner, Alfa, November, Delta, Yankee, "

Andy pressed the buttons as told, not getting the meaning of it. And then it hit her. Her birthday was May 9th. And... well… the rest of it was pretty much self explanatory.

She looked at Traci, not knowing what to make of this. Clearly Sam changed the password after he broke up with her, because it used to be Sarah's name in there when they were together.

"Sam _gave_ this password to you?"

"He didn't want to, at first. But I used my charms to work on him until he gave up. I think deep inside he knew I will not let him sleep until he gives it to me." Traci chuckled.

Andy turned around and looked at the place – dust was all over, and some fishy odor came from the kitchen. No one was in this house for nearly a month.

Andy didn't know how Sarah managed to go back and forth to St. Catherine's almost every day. Maybe she didn't want to leave her husband and kids alone for the night, and clearly she didn't come here.

"pheeewww" Traci waved a hand near her nose, trying to make the stench move so she could breathe "I think Sam left something on the kitchen counter the day he got shot."

They walked to the kitchen together, Andy turning the lights on as they go, where they found a bowl of what used to be fresh fruits on the marble, but now was only a pile of greenish-grayish fallouts of mold and one stray dry orange.

Andy leaned against the counter to bend down and breathed. When she raised her hands she felt the dust left on her fingers.

"Okay, that's it. I'm staying here to clean, and you're going home to your son." Andy turned around and looked at Traci.

She then strode the 5 feet to the cabinet where she knew Sam keeps his cleaning supplies. The first thing she pulled out was a paper mask Sam once bought to use when painting the house. She brought out gloves, dusters, garbage bags, a bucket and a disinfectant cleaning solution.

She turned around and saw Traci looking at her, measuring her head to toe, arms crossed on her chest.

"And what you think you're doing?"

"Cleaning"

"Andy, look at me"

Andy huffed away some stray hairs from her face, and looked at her friend.

"You know he loves you, right? He never stopped. Look what password he chose for the alarm in his house. He thinks of you every time he comes in through this door."

"So why did he tell me he wants me to be happy and that's why he's leaving me? Why did he tell me he can't be a cop and be with me and then hooked up with Marlo? Marlo! Of all people." Andy's desperate look touched Traci.

"I don't know, Andy. I really don't. You'll have to talk to him about it. Not me. Marlo is the exact opposite of you, maybe it was more... I don't know... safe. You want me to stay and help you?"

"No. I want to do this alone. I need to clean my head as well, get some weight off my shoulders. You go ahead to your lovely son, and I'll see you tomorrow." Tears were running down her cheeks by this point.

Traci hugged Andy and walked to the door. When Andy locked the door behind her, Traci smiled. Obviously Sam could have pointed to the numerical part of the board and make it easier for both of them. But _he _wanted Andy to know that it wasn't simply 592639. He wanted her to know it was her all along.

Traci smiled and hoped her partner will make full recovery fast. She didn't know how long Andy will be able to pull this off.

* * *

Andy worked meticulously through the house, starting from the hardest – the kitchen, and going through the living room to the bedroom.

She threw away old food from the fridge, she cleared the counter. Sam was never the kind to leave unwashed dishes in the sink, and she now thanked him for that in her head.

When she got to his bedroom it struck her – little things in his house changed during the past year, a new bowl for the fruits, a different cushion on the sofa, a new painting in the hall.

But his bedroom stayed the same.

By the look of it, the linen was clean, and only one half of the bed was used.

His half.

She looked at the neat pillow on the other side, and it looked so inviting. She had the feeling if she'll lift it she'll find her old pajama still there.

She quickly walked there and snapped it off the bed. There was nothing under it.

She huffed some air in a combination of disappointment and relief – had her clothes been there, it would have freaked her out. Who sleeps with their ex-girlfriend's PJ under the pillow when they have a new girlfriend over?

She looked around the room, trying to estimate the influence Marlo had on it. There was nothing there. She looked again and just knew it – Marlo was never there. These walls never saw her.

It made Andy happy. It made her secure.

Kind of the opposite of how she felt in her own place, after sharing it with Nick for some nights. She couldn't go there, not until she'll take all reminiscent of Nick out of there.

She took her dirty clothes off and placed them in the washer and then went to take a shower.

She noticed the toilet paper is almost over, so she opened the cupboard under the sink to bring a new one out.

In there, next to the pack of toilet paper, she saw her shampoo and soap, a pack of pads, her toothbrush and a pack of new razors she forgot she had there.

Sam kept it all.

She took these out and then took a long hot shower.

Out of the shower, she took socks and a T-shirt from Sam's closet, placed her clothes in the dryer, and went to bed.

Her clothes will smell like Sam in the morning, she smiled.

Lying on her side of the bed she thought how good it was to be in a place you feel belong to. She thought about the baby she lost less than a week ago. The bleeding subsided, but it still felt remote – as if it was somebody else's child and body.

She thought how the string that could have tied her to Nick for life so quietly disappeared, making room for Sam to come back.

She wanted kids in her future. She wanted them with Sam. Now he needs to fully recover, and she'll fight for that.

As she drifted into sleep, she decided to clean her condo when the bleeding stops and she knows her body took all of Nick away. From now on Nick will have no room in her house or her heart, not that he ever did.

Until then she'll sleep here, bringing Sam to her lungs with every breath she takes.

* * *

Next morning, Andy walked rather late to Sam's ICU room only to find it empty.

All his belongings were gone, the locker next to the bed was not the same, and most importantly – Sam was not there.

Remembering something Dr. Jones said about transferring Sam to a different ward, she walked to the nurses' station.

When she got his new room number she headed back to the elevators, where she found Sam's dad wandering around.

"Mr. Swarek?" she called with no answer. She walked around to face him.

"Judge Swarek?" this time he answered

"Hey there, dear. How are you today Bambi?" his tone was NOT what Andy expected. After the first impression he left the first night they met, Andy prepared herself to be beheaded by him. But he was actually nice now. His voice was warm and friendly.

"Are you okay, sir?"

"Yeah, I just can't remember where Sammy's room is. I went to bring him his ice cream and then I couldn't go back."

Andy looked at the man's hands – they were empty.

"You know what, sir, why won't you join me and we'll go find Sammy together?"

She guided him to the elevator and down the hall in the neurological ward.

* * *

Sam felt Andy's hand on his and opened his eyes. When he saw her smile, a new sensation came back to life, and he smelled his detergent on her.

_Great, she spent the night in my house. Not with Collins. She's back where she belongs._

His heart made another little dance and his eyes looked around the room. He was stopped by Andy when she placed the glasses on his nose.

_You'll make a great mom, Andy. Our kids will be the happiest ever with you taking care of them._

With his glasses on, he continued his search around the new room.

A nurse flashed the erasable board to his eyes as he opened them this morning, saying they move him out of ICU, so he knew this was coming.

He was surprised to see the three people in the corner, one of them sitting in a chair.

_Mom? Dad? Why are you here?! You shouldn't have come all the way down here. I would have come to you once the sedatives were no longer an influence. _

He had no idea it was his own brain sedating his body, and not one of the creeps he dealt with in the past.

_Oh, dad, you look so bad… I should have come visit you earlier. It's just the past year was too much. I just couldn't get away for long enough to make that trip to you by car and back, and be with you long enough._

Sarah saw the regret in her brother's eyes, and wrote something on the board.

'Don't worry, Sam. He's still here most of the time. It didn't fully get to him. But you need to come back to us soon. Okay?'

_Blink blink. Sure, sis. I'll come as soon as I can, I just don't know how to get out of here._

Andy saw all this, and said nothing.

Later she took Sarah to the hallway and learned Abe, Sam's dad, had early onset Alzheimer's disease, and he's been like this ever since Sam was 7 or 8.

Andy didn't need to know what 'this' meant. She saw in her own eyes how judge Swarek turned from being the cutest kitten alive to an attacking lion.

After another week in this ward, Sam's parents decided to take him home and nurse him there. There was nothing the hospital did to him here that couldn't be done there as well. Not with what the insurance will pay.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Don't. Don't over think it. That feeling in your gut – you gotta learn to listen to it. It's telling you what you need to do. You gotta learn to trust it." (Sam Swarek, there, there)_

Less than 24 hours ago I've posted chapter 4 of _blink twice_. I sat down on Saturday night, wrote it, edited, posted and went to bed.

24 hours or so before that, Snapple79 posted chapter 6 of the story _Always a Part of Me_ (great story by the way, you should check it out if you didn't already).

I got the story alert about this chapter, and left it to read on Sunday morning. I didn't read it before writing my chapter.

As it turns out, both Snapple79 and I had close ideas as to what will happen when Andy first goes to Sam's place, alone. How could that be when I assume we're from different places on earth, I don't know. But it happened.

Obviously, this raised a feeling of plagiarism and hurt by snapple79, and this post is to correct that.

Snapple79 – I'm sorry the circumstances lead to us both publishing similar things, but I promise you it was unintentionally. I was aware of the fact that I chose the same physician name as you did (Dr. White), but I have a vague feeling I saw that name in other stories before, kind of like 'Liam' being the bartender's name.

I have now changed the doctors' name to Jones (both of them), just to avoid any more inconveniences.

When I posted _Over the Hill_ I was new here, and didn't read a lot. I thought of stopping the story when I found another story where Andy was pregnant. And then came a second and a third. Obviously, there are ideas that many authors share.

The events of the past day are haunting my thoughts, to the point of over thinking them, so I let all of you out there know of this, hoping this will ease my conscience, though I know I did nothing wrong. Maybe I should start by reading all 2.7k RB stories here, and then continue writing.

Snapple79 – as I've already PMed you – I'm sorry for the hurt caused to you by this ordeal.

Grace


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to all of you for you kind words and support, both public and private. **

**You're the best!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rookie Blue. The rest of it is truly my own.

* * *

"How long do you think you could do this for?"

His question startled her from her daydream. Looking at him, pulling on his t-shirt, she could not resist but give the same answer she was given to the same question in a similar situation a long time ago: "well… I don't know… thirty, forty years…you know there's good medication these days".

A sad smile covered her face, and Nick knew that once again – something reminded her of Sam.

"Come on, Andy. You're taking him home today. Maybe things will get better there, I don't know. You've tried everything at the hospital, as did his parents and sister. Sam is a stubborn man, and if he's not ready to crack the shell he's wrapped in – he will not do it. Give him time."

"I don't want to give him time, Nick. I want him to get better, and fast! I don't do 'time and space', and he knows it" Andy was frustrated.

"Look, Andy, you've been there every day before or after shift. You hold his hands, you talk to him when he's asleep, and _with_ him when he's awake. You can't push yourself harder. One day soon you'll just fall apart, and I'm not sure I'll be here to collect your pieces off the floor."

Andy knew he was right.

"Did I tell you they started feeding him yesterday? Becky, his mom, was a nurse and she noticed his swallow reflex is working so she brought some baby food and he ate it! He ate it!"

Nick looked up at the girl whom he thought was going to be his girlfriend but fate – and Ford - took her away from him.

"Yes, Andy, you told me. Now can we talk about something else please?" his hands were on her shoulders

"No we can't Nick. You asked to still be my friend knowing this is on my mind. It's on my mind day and night, and I told you and warned you – If you're staying – play by my rules. Not the ones you think I should play by."

Oliver came by and interrupted their talk in the locker room.

"Collins, McNally, parade now!"

"Thought you're going to pick Sam from the hospital" Nick questioned.

"Something came up, parade now!" Oliver allowed the door to slam behind him, though he waited outside, kind of eavesdropping to hear what's going on inside. He heard nothing, and a second later Nick and Andy came out of the men's locker room, Nick's hand on Andy's back, guiding her way.

* * *

"Listen up, officers" Frank called when they walked into parade.

"We have a missing person report to follow ASAP"

"Is it an AMBER alert?" someone called from the back, expressing everybody's curiosity, usually missing persons were not so urgent to deal with that everybody were called into parade.

"No. It's Swarek's dad" Andy jumped at Frank's reply

"Abe?"

"Yeah, Sarah was on her way with them to the hospital and stopped at a gas station. While she went inside to pay, Becky went to the bathroom and Abe walked out and disappeared. We need to find him NOW. Pictures and general description are on the handouts. Beware that Abe Swarek has Alzheimer's and might be disoriented and aggressive. You need to refer to him as Judge when you meet him. Dismissed."

Andy stood up and was on her way to the door when Frank called her back

"McNally, Oliver will drop you off at the hospital, I heard you have a key to Sam's house. You take him there. Sarah and Becky are on their way here."

"Anyone told Sam?" Andy's concern was obvious

"No. that's why you're going, to babysit him and take the special needs' cab with him."

As Frank finished his sentence, Oliver walked inside "Come Andy. Collins is waiting in the squad. Go change your uniforms and we'll take you to Sam. Don't forget his keys."

Oliver didn't know Andy was in Sam's house for a week already. Only Sarah knew, as Andy was the one to bring Sam clean clothes last night.

* * *

Andy walked to Sam's room and found him already in his wheelchair. He was dressed in his favorite sweats pants, and one of his black T-shirts. After so many days of diet, the clothes looked a little big on him, and his muscles didn't fill the sleeves like they used to. Andy sighed. Sam was asleep and his head was tilted to one of the side pillows on the headrest.

A nurse walked in when she saw Andy there.

"Hey Andy, I thought Sarah was coming to take him home. I need to give Becky instructions what to do until the insurance's nurse comes tomorrow."

"Yeah, something came up and she couldn't make it. Want to brief me instead?"

All the nurses already knew Andy, and that she had some special connection with Sam, though none could define what it really was. Neither could Andy, had she been asked to put it in words.

"Okay, so all the medications are listed in the discharge letter, with prescriptions. Basically it's nutritional supplements to feed him, some anti-coagulants so he won't develop any clots, and that's it. I've packed some diapers in the bag here, thought you didn't get any yet. We took the catheter away this morning, so I say change his diaper every 4 hours or so. I'm sure Becky and the nurse will know what to do. Have you figured out a routine yet?"

"Yeah, the nurse will be with him 8 hours a day, Becky or Sarah another 8, and I'll be there whenever possible to take the last 8 hours. If not me – it will be some other friend from work."

When they figured it out, Andy didn't realize she might have to change Sam's diapers, or to wash him and feed him. She thought it will be just like in the hospital, where she simply set by him and held his hand. Even still, she had no intention of backing off her suggestion to ease the burden from Sam's family.

Becky and Abe decided for the mean time to stay in Toronto, and Sarah was to bring their staff from her place to Sam's guest room today.

"One more thing, we gave him Pramin so he won't be motion sick by sitting after lying for so long, and by the cab movements. There is a prescription in there for that as well."

"Thanks"

* * *

Andy steered Sam's chair next to her usual seat, and waited for him to wake up. Sarah already took whatever was in the room last night, so there was nothing left to take but the bag the nurse gave her, and Sam.

Noticing it was almost time for the cab they pre-ordered to arrive, Andy gently placed her hand on Sam's, knowing it will wake him up.

When he did, first thing he noticed was that his parents were not there, and neither was Sarah. He didn't mind seeing McNally, but it wasn't like Sarah to not keep her promise.

_What could keep Sarah away? And mom and dad? Dad… _ he figured it out. He tried to catch Andy's eyes for answers, but she kept looking at the floor, as if she knew he can read her mind as she can read his.

'Ready to go?' the white board appeared from nowhere.

_Blink blink, let's go._

Andy unlocked the brakes, strapped the bag on her shoulder and wheeled the chair down the hall.

* * *

In the cab, after the whole process of lowering the elevator, strapping the chair, elevating Sam and securing his chair inside, Andy climbed up and set in front of him. She made sure he'll see her, though still avoided eye contact.

She took out a CD from her bag, and handed it to the driver. When she leaned forward, Sam saw it was his favorite CD, the one he had in his truck. The one he used to listen to on long rides when he needed something to relax him.

_She knows I can't hear it, and yet she shows me she remembers. What a girl!_

The cab started moving shortly after, and Sam got sick. He found that closing his eyes was helping, so he closed them.

Andy's phone rang and she maneuvered in her sit to take it out without Sam's noticing.

"McNally" she answered

"Hey, thought you'd like to know we found him. He was wandering 5 km from the gas station. He was disoriented and the medics are checking him now."

"Where are you Nick?"

Sam opened his eyes on time to see her lips forming the last question. The last week taught him more than he ever knew about lip-reading. His heart dropped a few inches.

_She's taking me home because something happened to my dad and she finds time when she thinks I'm asleep to talk to him? _

He closed his eyes quickly so she won't see his eyes opened. It didn't help, as a second later the white board was in his face again

'Your dad got lost this morning. He was found and they took him to the barn. You want to go there first?'

_Blink blink. That explains no eye contact, but not Collins._

Andy called the cab driver and changed their route.

* * *

As the cab pulled in to the personnel parking lot at the barn, a familiar sting rushed through Sam's veins. And then he saw Nick standing outside, waiting for them.

_Great. Now I need to look away and grind my teeth, only I CAN'T friggin MOVE! It's frustrating! And SHE is going out to HIM right under my eyes! And they're standing where we found Oliver's car and everything went down from there. Aarrrgggg!_

The stinging in his veins rushed stronger, until he heard a big BANG, and then some beeping and a siren somewhere. He moved his eyes from side to side, estimating where the noises came from, until he realized they were coming from his head. He closed his eyes, focusing his thoughts on the sounds, as his brain was re-living the last sounds he heard. The beeping subsided, as if his brain blew away everything he was holding. Then there was a short silence, and Sam heard a song from the radio. His favorite relaxation song, from his favorite CD, brought by the only woman he ever loved even though she knew he can't hear it.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

"Look Nick, you've been there for me when he left me broken on that parking lot. You've been there when we were undercover together, and you're still here with me now, knowing there's no chance I'll ever be with you, even if Sam stays like this forever. He's my story Nick. Always was. Always will be. Maybe now there's a different ending, but it's still my story. I can't help but think _why_ you are still here..."

"I'm here for you Andy"

"No you're not. You're here for you. Think about it, Nick. You're always chasing the dream and not the girl. When you had Gail the first time - you left her at the altar to join the army. Then you're back and fighting to get her back when she's with Chris. Then there's me - on a breakup looking for a buddy, and then there's Gail again, but you didn't really try this time, making it a sex-based relationship from the start. You keep going around in circles hoping things will get romantically better for you, when the truth is you don't really want the long-run. You never did. So don't give me a lecture about friendship and personal dedication"

Andy didn't remember how they got to that, but they've been standing in the parking lot for some time now, finishing the conversation they started earlier. Every now and then Andy looked at Sam through the window, and knew he was a sleep. Thinking he needed that sleep after the ride here, she didn't wake him up.

Sarah, Becky and Abe came out the sally port and walked to Sarah's car.

Andy left Nick and walked to hug Abe.

"How are you?" her question was not addressed to someone specifically.

"Better. He's back to being himself now, until the next time. These are getting more often than usual since we got here. He needs to go back home soon, but I can't leave my baby alone here." Becky was the one to finally answer.

"If you need – go back to Vancouver, and we'll arrange something between us friends. Don't worry" Andy hugged her.

They talked about the best way to Sam's house and then they all headed to their cars and drove home.

* * *

Sam woke up when he was lifted up the stairs by Oliver and Andy together. They took him to his room upstairs, and as they opened the door Sam noticed the bed was a bit messy, the way Andy liked it. He was happy she slept here till now, and hoped she will continue, though it could get weird. Oliver turned around to sit him on the bed, and Sam saw Andy's couch near the bay window.

_Ah. She will sleep in the room with me, but not in the same bed. So what's the point?_

He felt he's getting so many mixed messages from her, that he didn't know what to do.

While he was later lying in his bed, he thought about first times. First times were now going to count so much. First time she touched him in the hospital, first time he saw her face, first song he heard thanks to her. He only screwed up the first time he opened his eyes. He did that when Marlo was in his room, and Andy knew that. He didn't see Marlo since then, and he cared only in the protective manner, nothing else.

First times were all that mattered now.

* * *

When he woke up, Oliver was standing in the room, walking back and forth. He noticed Sam's opened eyes and stood still.

Andy walked out of the bathroom and out of the room. She didn't see him awake, or maybe she didn't want to look him in the eyes again.

Oliver saw the longing frustrated look in his friend's eyes, and had to say something. He didn't like that white board, and he didn't really want Sam to know what he had to say.

"And you think you have problems? At least you know she loves you and she's here. She's giving you the right medication, and not poisoning you to love her."

Oliver saw Sam's eyes locked on him and continued, thinking his body will let him vent out what was bothering him.

"Well, when I got back from the hospital Celery wanted to give me some strengthening potion, I don't know. So I said I don't know how it tastes like. And she, without even noticing what she's saying, tells me I've been drinking her potions from the day we met, in each cup of tea she made me. How sick is that? Well…"

Oliver stopped and looked at Sam, and squinted his eyes.

"You've heard me now, didn't you?"

_Blink blink_ _if I could only smile…_

"Oh man, that's great! We got to tell McNally and your mom. I'll go call them." Just as Oliver was about to break eye contact with him, Sam managed to blink once.

"No?"

_Blink_

"Why?"

No answer

"Want to spell it for me?"

_Blink, _and then in an afterthought _blink blink_

"I hate this board and going letter by letter, so can you spell it with your eyes?"

_With my eyes? I can do that…_

_Half a circle_

_Blink_

_Full circle_

_Blink_

_Up to down and then to the side_

_Blink_

"Got it, Sam. And you're still as fool as ever."

A questioning look crossed Sam's eyes

"Yes, Nick is around her, but that's because he's her _girlfriend_, not boyfriend. There's nothing going on there, and the only thing that stops you from being with Andy is… you. So get a grip and come back for her, will you? I need some happiness in my life. Want to go for a weekend at the cabin? Clear our heads?"

Oliver's idea was a surprise, but Sam figured his buddy needed him now

_Blink blink_

* * *

They took Sam's truck, and Andy set in the back next to Sam, allowing him to lean on her so he won't fall.

Taking Sam up the cabin stairs was not easy as they were covered in snow, but they managed it together.

At first, Oliver wanted to go alone with Sam. And then Andy came with the winning card – changing Sam's diapers. Mischievous as he was, Oliver thought a weekend away will do them good, even if he will be the fifth wheel, so he agreed.

Sam enjoyed the fresh clean air on the porch, and when night came and they went to bed, Oliver took the bunk bed in the second bedroom, and left Sam and Andy in the master bedroom.

As there was no other bed available, Andy went to sleep next to Sam.

_First times_ Sam thought as he fell asleep _first times are all that count now._

* * *

Next morning, Sam woke up before Andy, and found her hand under his.

He knew it was time.

When she stirred around and started stretching, he knew it was now or never.

He lightly squeezed her hand in his, concentrating his thoughts to these muscles.

Andy jumped up, not letting go of his hand, looking at his face

"A… A… "

She was staring at him, not believing.

"I… lo…ve… you" his words came out slow in a groggy voice, rusty from not being used for a very long time.

Yup. First times were all that counts now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys!**

**Thanks to all your great reviews and follows!**

**To those who thought I was demeaning Sam by "putting" him in this situation, well… I hope you'll have your answers by next chapter, which will be the last one for this fic.**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own RB or many other things, except for those I paid for.

* * *

"A... a... I… lo…ve… you"

The words still echoed in the silent room.

Andy was sitting on the bed on her knees, holding Sam's hand, and looking at him gob smacked.

"S…s...say that again" she stuttered, a smile creeping on her face. She was pretty sure Sam cannot hear her, but he did.

"A... a..." this time he could not phrase the words with his lips. He invested all his power in the hand squeeze and those three little words, there was nothing left for a recap.

Instead, he looked at her with his dimpled look, and she yelped, pulling her free hand to her face.

_Why is she yelping? She should know talking is hard work. Oh, It's McNally. Talking is easy for HER. Well, I am not her, and she should know that after four years._

"C…c…can you hear me?!"

_Blink blink sure I can, I just answered your question. It's not LIKE you McNally, to be this slow. _He teased her in his mind, though he knew it was much to take in. So he gave her his dimpled look again.

"Sam, your dimples! I can see them!" her hand left her mouth, and what was only a hint of a smile, turned into a huge smile spread all over her face and glinting from her eyes.

She saw he doesn't believe her, and lowered her head slowly, looking for signs of disapproval from Sam who didn't move.

When she reached his face, she turned her head to one side

"Here is one dimple"

She kissed that dimple, her kiss light as a feather, yet burning a hole in Sam's face. A good hole. A hole he was dreaming about for so many nights.

Andy moved her head to the other cheek, her mouth so close to his that he could feel her breathe.

_If I could only raise my head just the slightest, then I'll kiss her_. But his muscles were not in his command, and his face stayed still.

"And here's the second one" the warm air from her mouth sent shivers up and down his spine, aching for her touch.

Her lips reached his second dimple, and another itching burn was placed on his cheek.

Having finished what she did not know if she's allowed to do or not, Andy quickly lifted her head and went back to the sitting position she was holding only seconds ago, and locked her eyes on Sam's, still holding his hand.

_It is so good to feel her like that. God, I missed it! So good to look at her beauty first thing in the morning. She is stunning, now more than ever, and this morning in particular has something else on her face - bliss. I have to tell her that._

"A...a..."

Her index finger rose to meet his lips, shushing him.

_And the bliss was gone._

"Don't, Sam. Today I want to do the talking. Okay?"

_Blink blink. What does she want to talk about?_

"Remember the day you got shot?"

_Blink blink, how can I forget?_

"You were leaving the barn because you said you wanted me to be happy. I chased you outside to tell you something, and then we found Oliver's squad and everything happened so fast there was no time. Somehow time is never on our side, and I know now is also not the right time, but I have to say it. I promised I'll tell you first thing if you could ever hear me again."

Sam looked at her intently, waiting for the declaration that will surely follow, she had that tone in her voice, the serious announcements one.

"What I wanted to tell you that night is that there is only one thing that makes me happy. Only one person that make me FEEL- Happy, angry, sad, blessed, loved, safe, and so many other things."

Sam looked at her, hoping she was going where he thought she was. He raised his brows so his eyes were wide open in an invitation for her to continue.

Andy swallowed to dry her mouth, and continued.

"You are the one to make me feel, Sam. It's you, and it's always been you. As I told you on the ambulance – you're my story." She let it all out in one breath of air, as if she was afraid he'll run mid sentence.

_Blink blink, you're my story too. How can I say this to you now? How can I answer you?_

"The night they turned the machines off, I was sure I'm going to lose you"

_Not gonna happen that easy, McNally._

"And I couldn't figure it out. How could it be that you were always there for me when it mattered, and I was not there for you? I should have forced you to get the vest first thing, and not go hide Celery. I should have given you my gun. I should have done so many things, Sam. But I didn't. And now you're stuck like this, and it sucks, as it is my fault"

_Hey, hey, you got to stop blaming yourself, Andy. It's NOT your fault._

His heavy sigh was the only way Andy could tell he was frustrated, too.

"And then you were alive, but you were hiding in your head. You know what Oliver was saying that night? He said you were undercover. And it makes so much sense, Sam. It does. You went undercover when I turned you down after that car accident, and now – now you're doing it again. You're running away because of me. Because I turned you down. And I can't handle it. I can't handle not being there for you when it matters. Because YOU matter."

Tears were flowing down her face, making the tiniest puddles on the bed cover.

_But you're here, Andy. And there is no other place you need to be, nowhere else you belong but here, with me._

A knock on the door made them both jump their eyes, and lose eye contact.

The moment was lost.

"Morning, sleeping beauties, need any help?" Oliver's voice came from the other side.

"No, thanks, it's fine" Andy managed to hide the sigh she desperately felt like letting out and wiped the tears away.

"We'll be right out"

With that she jumped off the bed, and the day began.

* * *

Some hours later, they were lazily sitting outside on the porch. Andy set on one end of a bench, and Sam was closely by her. This was as close as they could get with him in the chair. A thick blanket was on their laps, covering them both.

Oliver brought out one of the armchairs from inside and was sitting facing them, next to the wooden railing.

Andy took Sam's hand in hers, and held it on her thigh, under the cover. The way Sam's expression changed made her chuckle, and she helped him to slowly slide his hand from hers to her thigh.

She glanced at Oliver who pretended he didn't see it happening, appreciating his gentle way of letting them find each other again.

"So... what should I do? I need to decide what to do with Celery." Oliver sighed. Andy was already briefed about the story on their way down here.

"Do you love her?"

"Yeah, but how can I tell if it's because I was poisoned or because it is real?"

"She still gives you that potion?"

"She said she stopped when she moved to my house, and I believe her."

"And you say you love her - present tense not past tense."

It was more of an observation than a question, and Oliver nodded in reply.

Sam loved the way she mumbled her thoughts into logic.

"So you basically say you still loved her after the potion. So does it really matter if you started to love her with it?"

_I can't believe she just said that. Obviously it matters if you love someone whole heartedly or if it's fake. You must put yourself completely in a relationship, no holding back. Look at us, for crying out loud._ He tried making Andy look at him so she'll see his eyes. He wanted her to know what he was thinking._  
_  
Andy cleared the bangs from her eyes and looked at Sam while talking to Oliver, ignoring the look in his eyes, her fingers were nervously playing with her sweater's sleeve's hem.

"I know it sounds weird, but she's making you feel good about yourself, making you try new things. She's good to you and the girls. You love having her in your life, and you love her. Does it really matter how you got there? You should embrace the opportunities given to you, not be alone and feel sorry for losing them."

Oliver knew she was talking not only to him. So did Sam, who closed his eyes at this reproof.

Oliver nodded in reply, and said nothing. Maybe there was something in her wise words of experience.

Sam kept his eyes closed, processing everything Andy told him since he woke up. He told her he loves her, and she didn't answer. She said many other things – important things – but none of them was the admission that she loves him. So maybe Oliver was wrong, and there is something between her and Collins.

This thought stuck to his head, and he didn't want to open his eyes to face the reality.

"So… " Oliver started his friendly questioning, mistaking Sam's closed eyes for sleep "How was your night?" he asked with a smirk.

"Fine. Sam told me he loves me and held my hand"

"No way! you must have dreamt it. Look at him - he doesn't talk, he doesn't move"

"And you're going to tell me he doesn't hear, too?"

Oliver was caught with his mouth opened, and Andy laughed.

"When did he start hearing? Why didn't you say anything?" she started bombarding him with questions, and Sam decided to keep his eyes closed, maybe by eavesdropping he'll hear what he needs to hear her say.

"A couple of days ago. And before you say anything, I didn't tell you because he asked me not to tell"

"Why?"

"Andy, you two need to start communicating. You need to learn how to talk to each other, talk AND listen. And maybe even look at one another to get the idea of what's going on"

"eeehhh?"

"Sam thinks you're with Collins. You think he's with Marlo. You're both wrong and you're both miserable."

Oliver looked at Sam who he thought was fast asleep

"I've seen him with you, Andy, I've seen him without you, and then with Marlo. There is no question here – he needs to be with you. And he knows that, the question is do YOU know that?"

Andy looked doubtful at Oliver.

"See, Andy, this is why talking and communicating is so helpful in building relationships. Sammy here told me about his dreams only a couple of months ago, in this cabin, sitting on the chair I'm sitting on now." Oliver's hands pounded on the hand rests of his seat.

Andy's eyes fell to the floor - a couple of months ago he was with Marlo.

"No no no no no, Andy. Not what you think." Oliver moved his index finger in front of her face, in a negative gesture "He described his dreams about YOU, not anyone else."

"REALLY?" Her shock was obvious, quickly raising her eyes from the floor to Sam's, and back to Oliver.

Sam opened his eyes, taking a mental note to thank Oliver one day for once again putting words to the thoughts in his head.

Sam looked at Andy and said softly

"I... LOVE...YOU"

Andy raised her eyes to him, a smile all over her face and love oozing from her eyes.

Sure, it was the same line he used earlier that day, but he had a feeling she will never get tired of hearing it, as much as he will never get tired of saying it, now that he started.

* * *

The weather got cold fast, and it started to snow. Andy and Oliver decided to cut their weekend short fearing they might get snowed-in in the cabin.

On their way back, Oliver played a John Denver CD that Celery gave him for the ride, and a song came out the speakers. A song they all knew by heart, and somehow now got new meanings.

_"It's by far the hardest thing I've ever done  
To be so in love with you and so alone_

Follow me where I go what I do and who I know  
Make it part of you to be a part of me  
Follow me up and down all the way and all around  
Take my hand and say you'll follow me'

Oliver thought of the woman who gave him the CD, the woman who tricked him to love her, and yet he was willing to let it go, knowing it's by far the one of the hardest thing he's ever done, because without her he feels so in love and yet so alone.

Sam thought how much he really wanted that Andy and him will always be a part of one another – 'make it part of you to be a part of me' style.

Andy, next to Sam, was thinking of another line from the song – 'take my hand and say you'll follow me'. How much she wanted him out of this wheel chair and back to his old self, taking her hand and following her wherever she go, knowing she will follow him even if he stays in this chair.

* * *

By the time they got back to Toronto, it was getting dark and Sam fell asleep on Andy's shoulders.

Reaching city limits, Andy asked Oliver to take her to her place before taking Sam back home. Oliver raised an eyebrow in question, but did as he was told.

Sam woke up when the truck stopped and Andy was about to leave the car. A quick look outside told him where they were, and panic crept to his heart. Before he knew what he was doing, his fingers were wrapped on her forearm, and one word left his mouth.

The same word that got them together.

The same word that got them apart.

"S...tay" he said, and she looked and him and smiled

"Wouldn't have it any other way, until you tell me to go away"

"Ne...ver" he managed a small smile, his muscles slowly regaining confidence and strength.

He was happy to see the fruits of his labor reflect in Andy's happy face.

Andy went inside for some time, and Sam watched the lights in her apartment from the backseat of his truck.

She came back not to long after holding a bag, and threw it to the back of the truck, next to Sam's chair.

When they got to Sam's house, the house was dark and cold. Andy walked in first, to turn on the lights and the heating, and found a note from Becky saying she's taking Abe back home before the snow gets too heavy, because being locked in a foreign house will not do him any good.

Andy saw the questioning look in Sam's eyes when she came back to the truck and reassured him of his parents' well being.

Oliver and Andy brought Sam in, and placed him on the sofa. Andy quickly went to change the bed sheets in the guest room, as it will now be Sam's room. There was no point in taking him up and down the stairs all the time.

Oliver, hungry as always, found Becky left them soup, and they all ate in front of the TV.

Oliver called Celery to let her know he's coming back early, and went home to make amends with the woman he loved.

This left Sam in his bed, and Andy beside him, knowing where she wants to sleep, not knowing where Sam wants her to sleep.

"I'll be upstairs, alright?"

"Nope"_ Not alright, McNally, and you know it. I can see it in your eyes._

"You want me to sleep here?" she pointed to the bed, next to him.

"Yeah"

She smiled faintly, and climbed up the bed.

* * *

Monday came fast with new daily therapies.

There were speech therapy and physiotherapy, there were meetings with the psychiatrist once Sam could talk, and there were doctor's appointments which were luckily held at home.

All in all, Sam's progress was fast.

As Nick predicted without knowing – Sam was coming back because he wanted to come back, and because Andy was there beside him.

His speech therapist left after he yelled at her for correcting his accent. Andy laughed when he told her the story that night, knowing it means he'll be fine soon.

The doctor was pleased, and the physiotherapist worked hard with Sam on his arms' muscles, to help him regain his independency – with his arms he could eat, move around his house in a wheel chair, and most importantly – be alone in the toilets, which was a crucial thing in Sam's motivation to success.

The nurse was then cut to five hours a day, more a babysitter than anything else.

Sam and Andy had long conversations about the past, the present and hopefully – the future.

It didn't take Andy long to answer Sam's words with her own.

And when she did, he surprised her and gave her the kiss they were both longing for.

THE kiss.

The best kiss they ever had.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey Guys,**

**Thank you all for your great reviews and comments! **

**Even if you don't leave them – I am flattered by the number of people who come back for the next chapter each time.**

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**Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it was written over the course of several days, bits and bytes and then proof-read, and add some mores... I've decided to post this as one long chapter and not two short ones.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Rookie Blue.

* * *

Sam was sitting on the sofa in his lounge, holding a silent phone and flipping it one side to the other, gliding his fingers on its sides in the process. He was trying hard to bring the gushing thoughts in his head into some sort of order, trying to make them pass in his mind one by one so he could figure them out and distinguish between them. But there was no use, he knew. The thoughts will continue their swirl until something will bring them to a sudden halt, and then they will continue right back as if nothing happened.

But a lot has happened. Everything was now changed. Or wasn't it?

Andy was gone for the day - there was a nasty flu going around in the barn, taking casualties without discrimination. All healthy officers were called in for double shifts to fill for those who were sick at home.

Andy.

For the past month she was with him in his house, never leaving his side. Actually, not really 'never', as she did go to work as usual, and every other day or so she took his truck to go to her place to water the plants and bring more clothes, according to the warming weather. She did the grocery shopping, and she even went a couple of times to the Penny, but came back much earlier than he knew she likes to stay, to be with him.

She did it all without saying a word about it, or for how long it's going to last. He had this irritating feeling that things were stuck. That something is off. But he couldn't really say why he felt like that.

He loved her, and she loved him. This he was sure of. But they got stuck in this relationship limbo he started to doubt they'll ever get out of.

The last month was a month of befriendment. If ever there was such a word.

Sam reflected back to all the definitions they went through in the past four years - colleagues, friends, significant others, EXs, then acquaintances. And now they were back to being friends again, on a different level from what they used to ever be. Or was it more than that? He didn't know.

In the days when he was not able to speak, she did most of the talking, sharing with him stories about work, about her time away with Collins, about life in general and in specifics.

Not being able to answer taught him to push the sarcastic remarks aside, and for once in his life he started listening. Deep, hard to the core kind of listening. The kind where your ears hear, and then your eyes see and your heart feels, all caused merely by the stimulation of words hitting your eardrums. It was a new experience he was happy to learn, and when he mastered his own tongue, he started repaying his 'debt' by sharing himself, much to Andy's delight.

They went to sleep hugged every night, and woke up staring at each other's eyes. Somehow their limbs were twined together most of the mornings. And there was nothing more than that, maybe an occasional kiss or a mid-day hug. And that's it. More than that was too hard for him yet, and she wasn't pushing.

Sam started to wonder if this is what bothered him so much only an hour ago, that he called his mom again for her advice. He already spoke with her that day, and learned his father is in a deteriorating state. But there was something else that he couldn't hold inside until their next-day talk, and he called his mom to talk about it, though at first he couldn't put it into words. Parts of that conversation were now standing in line in his head, suddenly finding the sense he so desperately wanted before.

* * *

"You do know she didn't have to, right?" His mother asked

He didn't know, so he kept his silence.

"We could have managed without her. We could have found the resources for another nurse. But she insisted, and I guess you know better than me that she can be very stubborn and highly persuasive, don't you?"

"But why would she do that?"

"Don't know, Sammy. Maybe it was important for her to be there for you."

_'Could it be she was with me out of pity to my condition? Could it be she was there only out of guilt?'_ Sam wondered.

"Sammy, did you ever think she did it out of dedication and devotion? Think of it, how many people do you know who can mentally and physically do what she did for you to anyone older than five?"

_'It can still he a pity act from McNally's side'_

"You did this, mom, everyday."

"I'm different. I chose this as my profession. There are not many people who can do that. Think of it, when the time comes, will you do that for your dad or me?"

His mother had a point and he started to see where she was going. He was quiet for a moment, contemplating his mother's words.

"No matter what were her reasons" his mother's voice brought him back to their conversation "I'll be forever grateful to her. She brought you back to me, and she did it with such gentle devotion that you have to admire her."

Sam loved the thought that his mom already loved Andy, even when they hardly met. An idea started brewing in his head.

"You always had me, mom. Even when I was undercover I tried to keep in touch with you and dad, you know that."

"Yes and no, Sammy. Sometimes you take yourself to places in your mind where no one can get in. If it wasn't for Andy, I don't think you would have come back from your coma."

He didn't answer. He couldn't tell her if it wasn't for Andy, he wouldn't BE in a coma to begin with. Andy was the reason he left the barn that night. She was the reason he didn't wear his vest, and she was the cause to make his soul locked in his body for a long time. True, she could not really be blamed for all this, but she was a main factor in the causes that led to it.

"It's like the nights you slept in the tool shed when you were younger."

"Mom, you know I didn't do it for fun. HE made me do it." Sam was insulted.

"It wasn't his fault Sammy, he was delusional. And when I found out I tried bringing you back home, you refused. As an adult you can understand things you couldn't as a teenager. But even then, we knew how to bring you back from your hiding place. most of the times, at least."

Sam didn't let her finish "the hand motions on my head at night" he said. Things were placed in different perspective now.

"Right" his mom approved.

"But that only when you came back from work." Sam wasn't willing to let go of past resentments.

"Wrong. It was your father, not me, that came to be with you in that shed. And it was him who did what was needed to get you out. You always needed some help to climb down the tree once you climbed up too high and were too proud to ask for help. I get it, you need to be in control, and that's your method of doing that. You are as stubborn as Andy, only you allowed her and your dad to be the means of reconciliation."

* * *

So now he was sitting on the sofa, after learning his resentment to his father was ill-based, and that his father will soon be in a state where no forgiveness can be done.

Sam slowly walked to the guest room, where they slept for the past month. Walking was his newest achievement, as his muscles were strong enough only a week ago. So he took it slow, and ventured to the corner of his street with Andy every night, enjoying the sense of freedom and the concurred world.

He walked around to Andy's side of the bed, and pulled the top drawer of her nightstand open. He reached his hand, and brought Andy's daily calendar out. It was actually _their_ calendar, and Andy was the one in charge of the entries.

It started with an idea his therapist threw at him in one of his early sessions. Sam found the idea so ridicule that he laughed about it on the truck on their way back home. The next day when Andy came back from work, she had a new book in her hands, and set on the sofa with piercing intentions in her eyes. Sam groaned and they started this little project together.

They called it "the book of Firsts", where Andy kept a list of Sam's progress in her own funny way. Almost every night they sat together and Andy found a way to describe something important that happened that day.

Sam sat on the bed and started flipping pages backwards. There was the 'head and shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes' that Andy wrote the day he took his first shower alone, with music notes spattered all over the page. Before that there was 'no more Grannies, let the Ladies in!' The day he ate an apple and said he hated green Granny apples, and loved Pink Lady ones. There was 'will you be my valentine?' the day she told him she loves him. And there were many other entries. Most of them 'first's, some of them 'last's. All in a code only Andy and he knew.

As Sam flipped the pages, a sense of accomplishment filled his veins, to see how far he has come in such a relatively short time. He hated to admit it, but the therapist was right. And Andy was right to take her advice seriously and motivate him to do it.

He placed the lace bookmark back on the current date page, and then flipped the pages forward, pondering what 'first's and 'last's lay ahead. The whirlwind in his head came to a stop.

He knew what needs to be done now. His idea from before was now formed in to an action plan.

He returned the book to its place and walked back to the couch.

Four phone calls later, the phone was again in his hands, turned from one side to the other absent mindedly, Sam's eyes oblivious to the silent figures running back and forth on the TV screen.

* * *

Sam woke up to the sound of keys jingling at the door. He rose and went to the front door, stopping at the entrance table where he knew his wallet was. He grabbed it quickly before Andy walked in.

"Hey, Sam. I hope I didn't wake you."

Sam looked at the bright day outside and smirked.

"Not you, Andy, Oliver's honking horn woke me up. He's taking me to get something downtown."

"You want me to take you?" Andy tried to hide a yawn.

"No, it's okay. You did a double shift and Oliver only one. That's why I asked him."

"I was wondering why he was so nice today and offered me a ride..." Andy added in a tone that made it clear she was more interested in the color of the pillowcase right now. Sam lightly kissed her forehead and took his jacket before going out to meet Oliver.

* * *

Andy wasn't too startled when a movement on the bed woke her up. She then felt Sam's hug and wrapped him back with her arms.

"Wake up, Andy. We need to pack." Sam's whisper was so low she wasn't sure if he said pack or crack. Neither made sense. So she turned her shoulder to him, and tried to fall asleep again.

"Come on, Andy, we have a plane to catch. Can you please pack for both of us for the long weekend?"

This certainly woke her up. She sat up on the bed, hair covering her face in a mish-mash.

"Flying? Long weekend? I have to be back at work in...(she cleared the hairs with both hands and looked at the alarm clock on her night stand) in 5 hours."

"No you don't. I've cleared it with Frank. We're flying to my parents until Sunday night, and then Monday morning we start working."

"We...?" Tired as she was, she was still quick in grasping insinuated words. '_Or maybe not so insinuated_', Sam chuckled.

"Yes, **we.** I'm going to start some light office work at the barn to get some workload off Traci, until I'm physically fit to do more."

"That's great! But why go to your parents now?" Andy didn't mean to make it sound like she's complaining, and Sam knew that. Listening does that to you...

"I spoke to my mom today, and dad is not doing well. I want to see him before the clock strikes midnight and I turn back to a busy cop." He scoffed a laugh "I'll tell you about it on the plane. Besides, I thought it will be a nice 'first' to add - our first trip to my parents." He didn't want to admit it was also his first flight since, well, forever.

* * *

Packing their bags, Andy gauged Sam from the side. She had a feeling he hasn't been to the airport since that time he picked her up when she came back from North Bay. She also remembered him saying not too long ago something. She had to ask him about it.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"What about your boots?"

The puzzled look and the wrinkle in his forehead told her he doesn't get what she's asking.

"You told me awhile ago you don't like taking them off at the airport..." she bit her lower lip, knowing she's actually asking him something else. Knowing he knows she knows. The matter of the boots in an airport came up one night in a totally irrelevant conversation. But Andy got the meaning behind it, even if Sam didn't think he gave it away.

"Oh. THOSE boots... well, that's why Oliver took me downtown, to get something for that".

Andy knew the doctor gave Sam a prescription for some Valium, if he ever feels anxious, so maybe Oliver took him to the pharmacy. She decided it would be best to not talk about it again, and finished packing in silence.

Sam was appreciative of her noise control, as he felt his nerves slowly raising the doubts in his head if this is right.

* * *

On the way to the airport, Celery's CD was still in the car, 'follow me' on repeat. Sam listened to the second verse, and knew it was the best way to describe what he was going through now, as well as many parts of the last four years.

"It's long been on my mind  
You know it's been a long, long time  
I've tried to find the way that I can make you understand  
The way I feel about you and just how much I need you  
To be there where I can talk to you  
When there's no one else around"

It was all true, except for the last line – he would love to talk to her, no matter who is around.

He smiled when he thought of the things to come.

* * *

By the time they got to the airport, Sam was sweating his anxiety away, biting his inner cheek, looking everywhere but seeing nothing. Andy figured he'll be too proud to take the Valium now, after he made the decision and was emotionally prepared for this, so she found a shuttle golf cart, and they got to their gate and to their seats much faster than she thought.

Sitting at their seats, they were the first to board the plane, and they had another half hour before takeoff. Andy suggested that Sam will close his eyes to relax, but he refused.

She then remembered something Celery taught her, and tried to implement it on Sam.

"Sam, give me your hands"

He raised his eyebrows, but did as he was told and placed his palms open in front of Andy. Andy then placed her own palms above his, keeping less than an inch distance between them. Sam waited for her to stretch the last inch, but she didn't. It took less than a minute before he felt the heat radiating from her hands to his, sending a sense of relaxation and letting go. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

A steward calling them to buckle up snapped them out of the trance they were in, and Sam couldn't relax again. He held Andy's hands in such a tight grip she thought she'll develop a necrosis soon. Thinking it will be better for him to take his Valium now, before takeoff, she told him so. When she said 'Valium' Sam didn't get what she was saying. Andy spelled it out for him, thinking he is so panicked that he can't remember what he got today.

"Sam, you went downtown with Oliver today to buy it. So take it out, don't be afraid."

"Okay, but after that we're doing that hands thing again. So keep your eyes closed and your hands stretched, ready. Andy was obedient and waited still while Sam wriggled in his seat to take things out of his pants' pocket.

Andy felt something sliding over her finger, and as fast as a lightening Sam's hands wrapped hers to a ball, and he breathed out loudly.

"That's it" he said as she opened her eyes "now it feels good." The palm of his hand was moving on her balled fingers, feeling the little scratch everytime a small movement of the object was made. She could feel it in his breath – THIS made him relaxed.

Andy took her hands away from his, looked at her engagement ring and laughed, wrapping Sam's hands back to a ball.

"You're right. It does feel much better"

They both leaned forward and kissed. Andy was surprised, but they knew this was coming. She, too, was afraid they were falling into 'friend-zone' and didn't know how to rush him without hurting him.

* * *

Andy was a beautiful June bride.

THE most beautiful June bride if you ask Sam, but some might say he was somewhat biased.

Standing by the altar he repeated the priest's dictating vows, drowning their meaning in the deep brown eyes that gazed at his in admiration.

"In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health"

To passersby he looked like an over-emotional groom. But both he and Andy knew why he found these words so meaningful.

* * *

The reception was held in Sam's backyard. Both Sam and Andy decided they want to keep things simple, and to arrange the wedding as soon as they get the doctor's okay for an enjoyable wedding night.

When Oliver stood up to give his speech, everybody were surprised to see Sam rise from his chair.

Andy pulled his tox' sleeve, and said "I thought you said no speeches". She was insulted, as she wanted to say something and he made it clear this was not in his plan. Sam gave her a reassuring look, and started talking.

"Hey there, everybody, and thank you for coming here today to join our little celebration. At first I didn't plan on talking like this. I didn't want to make an official seven drafts speech that will wait in my drawer for our wedding day. So please forgive me if this is..."

A sniffle came down from Traci's table. Andy hoped Sam will make his speech lighter than his starting remark.

"When I was young, I thought I'll never get married. I thought having a spouse to worry about is… well… something to worry about (chuckles came from all around). And then I met you (he looked at Andy). I think the better way to say it would be that you ran me over – inside and out."

Laughs were coming from the audience, and Sam continued.

"There are things in life you know are bad for you and you keep on doing them. You keep smoking, you keep drinking (Sam looked at Tommy), you keep eating. Pickles on the side" (Sam looked at Oliver and everybody laughed).

"There are rare occasions when you find something that's good for you and you stop it. I did that mistake once, and I have no intention of repeating it, and that's why you're all here today. That, and the open bar." Again, Sam could make the people laugh, and Andy found herself relaxed and enjoying this.

"When I was thinking about this day, after Andy was kind enough to say 'yes', which I'm sure she'll regret soon, I thought about the meaning of the vows.

"In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health" Andy was mimicking his words, repeating them with him.

"Did you ever stop to think about the meaning of it? My dear mom pointed it out to me lately, and I have to share this with you. In sickness and in health does not mean bringing them the bucket when they're pregnant or the chicken soup when they got the flu. It also means a state of mind. A way of seeing things that make the ceremony we held earlier idle."

"it's a state of mind where you care so much about the other person's well being, that you are willing to do everything for them. And my dear dear dearest Andy is like that. After all that had happened to me in the past few months, I can say that if there ever was a person who didn't need to recite these vows to make their spouse feel safe and loved, it was her. So please, raise your glass, and let's cheer for Andy."

Sam held his glass high, as did everyone else.

everybody cheered, and Sam continued.

"I love you honey. I hope we will ever stay in the 'rich and healthy' part of our vows, but I know that even if we won't, we have enough love in us to make it through stronger. Look at us now."

"I love you, Andy McNally"

Andy rose from her chair, her hand holding a napkin to her eyes, wiping the tears away.

"You got one thing wrong in your speech, Sam Swarek."

Sam crossed his brows wondering where she's taking this to.

"I'm not Andy McNally anymore. I'm Mrs. Sam Swarek now, so that means I'm Andy Swarek and you need to get used to it fast."

The teasing threat in her voice and eyes made everybody laugh.

Sam pulled her into a hug, and whispered in her ear "You'll always be _my McNally_, Andy", and planted a kiss on her lips before she'll have a comeback.


End file.
